Compare/Contrast

You stay up for 16 hours.
He stays up for days on end.
You take a warm shower  every morning to help you wake up.
He goes days or weeks without running water.
You complain of a "headache" and stay in bed.
He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
You complain about how hot it is.
He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
He doesn't get to eat today.
You make your bed and wash your clothes.
He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
You get your  hair done
He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
You're angry because you worked 5 minutes over.
He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.
You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.

Reality Settles In

...a lot of things I will probably never be.
...a lot of things I will try to be.
...a lot of things I will fail to be.

It has been awhile since I last wrote and I had some thinking to do before I posted anything. I've realized the best I can do is improve upon who I was yesterday, accept my shortcomings and flaws, and put my best foot forward everyday. This deployment has made this painfully obvious to me. It's been almost 6 months now and I am realizing who I am and how I've affected people. This is reality time and you rediscover yourself more than ever before. 


After a few weeks of not hearing his voice I started to become depressed and anxious. Hoping that today will be the day he calls. Today I will get an email or something in the mail. But I was only kidding myself. I kept having high expectations every morning and when I didn't hear anything I was upset. I finally sucked it up and dealt with it and implanted in my brain that when he does have the time to contact me it will be the best day. Another 2 weeks went by and I didn't have those expectations on my mind anymore. Took everyday as it came. But last Tuesday morning I turned the TV on and the first thing that came on the screen "Suicide bomber in Afghanistan kills 18 soldiers". My mind started to race wondering if he was there and saw it happen. I didn't even come close to thinking he was one of them until someone at work said those magic words. I had to go outside and cry for a minute and then suck it back in to be strong. The rest of the day I kept repeating to myself no news is good news.  It didn't help that my coworkers were pestering me if I heard from him. I went out with my friends that night to see Iron Man 2 and it was great to not be focused on Afghanistan. As I was driving home my cell phone rang by the time I got to it I missed the call. A very strange number too then BuZzZ there was a voice-mail and his voice was on the message. The biggest smile appeared on my face just to hear him.  As upset as I was not getting to the phone on time I was hoping he would call my room number. Sure enough as soon as I walked inside the phone was ringing and his voice was the greatest thing to hear. He sounded great we talked and laughed for the time that he had but was ordered to get back to work. It's amazing how the sound of his voice makes everything disappear. 

It's Killing Me Not Knowing..

Mood changes are happening again. I barely heard from him this week and all I got was a text message saying they are moving him but he can't tell me where or why. All he said was "it's military reasons I can't tell you". I feel like I'm dealing with someone who is in the FBI and everything is TOP SECRET. It is absolutely killing me. I haven't heard from him since that day and I just wish I could know where he is on his way to or why they are making him transfer. I didn't even get to say "I love you/be safe/take care" it was just a text and now I'm sitting here wondering. I miss him a lot and starting to become moody again. As if not seeing him isn't upsetting enough and now I am becoming jealous of other couples and angry at girls who say I haven't seen my boyfriend a few days or this week pisses me off. But I need to be strong and not let it effect me. So Frustrated!  

Why am I doing this?

So here I am rambling about my thoughts during this deployment. But I never really explained myself for it. I came on this site looking for support and advice. My boyfriend is a Navy Seabee and currently located in Afghanistan.This is his second tour but my first. He left January 4th and was sent to California until 2 weeks ago where he is now overseas. These past 4 months have been difficult yet easy all at the same time. The reason I say this is because we had constant communication. He had his cell phone and would always text or call whenever he had the chance. We even used the webcam a few times when he had a free moment. So it was easy because I knew he was safe and around. Now he is in a foreign country the cell phone has been turned off and we barely get to talk to each other. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm starting to feel it. I miss talking to him and hearing his voice every night. I know I will get through this. It almost feels like you're in a breakup but not because there isn't a burning hurt deep down inside only loneliness. Today was my second overseas phone call. I heard planes flying in the background but it wasn't  just any plane it was the real deal F-14's. That gave me the goosebumps. Reality has finally settled in. He's not in California anymore, it's wartime. His orders state he won't be coming home until next January. I'm proud to say I am almost at the midway of this deployment but at the same time I would like it to be over already. I feel like I've been stuck in the airport waiting for the weather to clear. I am trying to cope with his deployment and other issues. As General Holden on Army Wives said "We are the lucky ones. Soldiers train for their mission but for families their mission is to carry on. How do you train for that?" He couldn't have said it any better.