Mixture

I've been trying to post something for a couple of weeks now and I can't seem to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I'm so drained of energy and emotions. This week has definitely been a tough one but here I am staring at the screen for a bit until I can get my thoughts together. I have to say I made it halfway through this deployment and 6 more months to go. No matter how impossible it may seem that you can't go on it is possible in time, the grief lessens. It may not go away completely, but after awhile it's not so overwhelming. You start to get used to the fact that time will go on and sooner than you know it he will be back. This year's July 4th I was very patriotic and proud of our soldiers. I dressed up in red, white and blue and wore his dog tags proudly. As proud as I was it was also a very hard day. At night watching the fireworks made me miss him so much. It just reminds you of the sacrifices that were made. I was able to talk to him that morning and should feel really good about the fact that we can stay in touch but it is always so bittersweet. I miss him so much it hurts. I guess I was just having one of those bad days. When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see if struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through.  With all that said... "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference" by Winston Churchill. As hard as this has been for me already, it really hasn't been all that bad. Along with sadness, that's a whole mix of emotions that I've been feeling too.

Loving a Soldier

Loving a soldier is a high price to pay, 
loving him truly is hard when he's away. 
It's being alone with nothing to hold
it's being young, but feeling old
it's having him whisper his love for you
it's whispering back that you love him too. 
There comes a kiss and a promise for more, 
as his plane slowly rises to soar
reluctantly, painfully, letting him go, 
while your insides are dying from wanting him so, 
watching him leave with eyes full of tears, 
standing alone with your hopes, dreams and fears. 
It's sending a letter with the stamp upside down, 
to a far away love in a far away town. 
It's going to church to kneel and pray, 
and really meaning the things that you say. 
Being in love will foster your dreams, 
of that far away soldier your mind fairly beams. 
Days go by, no mail for a spell, 
you wait for some word to hear that he's well. 
Then a letter arrives, and you've given in, 
to open his letter and read it with a grin, 
yes, he is well and misses you so, 
it's filled with the love you wanted to know. 
Weeks are like months, and months are like years, 
you wait for the day when you'll have no more fears. 
Days go by slowly, how many have passed? 
Yes, loving a soldier brings bitterness and fears, 
loneliness, sadness and despondent years. 
Loving a soldier isn't much fun, 
but it's worth the price when the battle is won
and remember he is thinking of you everyday, 
he's sad and he's lonely while so far away
so love him and miss him and hold your head high, 
be strong and have faith, wipe that tear from your eye. 
It's the high price you pay for loving a soldier