Reality Settles In

...a lot of things I will probably never be.
...a lot of things I will try to be.
...a lot of things I will fail to be.

It has been awhile since I last wrote and I had some thinking to do before I posted anything. I've realized the best I can do is improve upon who I was yesterday, accept my shortcomings and flaws, and put my best foot forward everyday. This deployment has made this painfully obvious to me. It's been almost 6 months now and I am realizing who I am and how I've affected people. This is reality time and you rediscover yourself more than ever before. 


After a few weeks of not hearing his voice I started to become depressed and anxious. Hoping that today will be the day he calls. Today I will get an email or something in the mail. But I was only kidding myself. I kept having high expectations every morning and when I didn't hear anything I was upset. I finally sucked it up and dealt with it and implanted in my brain that when he does have the time to contact me it will be the best day. Another 2 weeks went by and I didn't have those expectations on my mind anymore. Took everyday as it came. But last Tuesday morning I turned the TV on and the first thing that came on the screen "Suicide bomber in Afghanistan kills 18 soldiers". My mind started to race wondering if he was there and saw it happen. I didn't even come close to thinking he was one of them until someone at work said those magic words. I had to go outside and cry for a minute and then suck it back in to be strong. The rest of the day I kept repeating to myself no news is good news.  It didn't help that my coworkers were pestering me if I heard from him. I went out with my friends that night to see Iron Man 2 and it was great to not be focused on Afghanistan. As I was driving home my cell phone rang by the time I got to it I missed the call. A very strange number too then BuZzZ there was a voice-mail and his voice was on the message. The biggest smile appeared on my face just to hear him.  As upset as I was not getting to the phone on time I was hoping he would call my room number. Sure enough as soon as I walked inside the phone was ringing and his voice was the greatest thing to hear. He sounded great we talked and laughed for the time that he had but was ordered to get back to work. It's amazing how the sound of his voice makes everything disappear.