Forget the shiny armor, I'm loving my hero in his DIRTY CAMO'S.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Emotional Stages of Deployment

I think I understand my feelings more now and come to a realization. I have kept a journal since the day he left for Afghanistan. Writing down all the emotions to see how I progress through this deployment. After reading it all I came up with stages of deployment. Check it out!  

Stage 1: Anticipation of Loss
6-8 weeks prior to deployment
Feelings: denial, fear, anger, resentment, hurt
During this time it is hard for a woman to accept the fact that her significant other is going to leave her. I found myself crying unexpectedly at songs, TV shows and other things that would normally not affect me. These incidents allowed me to release some of my pent-up emotions. 

Stage 2: Emotional Withdrawal
1 week prior to deployment
Feelings: Confusion, anger, pulling away
This occurred during the final days before departure. I know I should be enjoying these last few days together but all I wanted to do is cry. The last night that I saw him I cried so hard and couldn't stop because I knew that next morning he would be gone. I felt sick to my stomach and there was this invisible giant punching me in the stomach as we said our goodbyes. 

Stage 3: Emotional Confusion/Disorganization
1-3 months after departure
Feelings: sense of abandonment, need, loss, emptiness, pain, disorganization
Now matter how prepared you think you are the actual deployment still comes as a shock. You start to familiarize yourself with him not being around anymore, not planning social gatherings for two only one, restlessness kicks in, feeling awkward in social situations, becoming depressed, feeling so alone, maybe even withdrawing yourself from your friends.  You start to think oh my god I don't think I will be able to last the 300..something days this is absolute torture. Your thoughts become can I move on from this?

Stage 4: Adjustment/Recovery
Midway of deployment
Feelings: confidence, hope, calm, established
At this point I started to realize hey I'm doing OK! I established new activities and routines. I am more comfortable with him being so far away and it doesn't hurt as much. I had a new sense of independence and felt proud in my ability to cope alone. 

Stage 5: Expectation of Reunion
6 weeks prior to homecoming
Feelings: excitement, high expectations, fear, apprehension
This where I am at right now. The long list of things do while he is gone is still unfinished. The pace picks up and become a cleaning fanatic, dieting, planning homecoming. I have these an incredible feelings of joy and excitement in anticipation of his return. I looking forward to the day I pick him up and all the activities we have planned after! Do I plan him a big party or let the mother do it since I gave him a going away party? Where should we have it? Do I make a sign for him at the airport? What do I wear? Will my job understand I need to take days off because I haven't seen him in 10 months? All these questions come into my head and I feel like I'm constantly thinking about it. 

Stage 6: Homecoming
Day of Return
Not sure how this going to feel or happen yet.. but I'll be updating you all! 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Civilian Women Irritate Me Sometimes..

 know it has been awhile since I last posted something. But I have been a busy girl! So we are on the home stretch he comes home in the end of November and I'm doing the happy dance! But there is something I need to express and not sure if you ladies have the same feeling as I do. After having my Seabee away for 10 months now I'm fed up with civilian women. All I hear almost every single day in my office full of women..and on facebook etc.. I haven't seen my boyfriend in a few days, he hasn't answered my text messages, I wish I was home with my husband today, making plans for the weekend/evening plans with their men...the list goes on. I have just about had it with this and pretty much blew up yesterday. Please tell me your tales of woe ladies... I would love to hear it. Oh yeah? Want to hear my story?? How about waiting every minute to just get a phone call from him and keeping your cell plastered to your hip because you might miss that one phone call? Skype becomes the norm every weekend where you sit and wait to see his face and it still doesn't do justice. You wish you could jump through cyberspace and be right there next to him. Ever become jealous of other couples because you just wished he was right next to you? Yeah that's what myself and other military girlfriends/fiancĂ©es/wives have to go through and much more. So put your big girl panties on and stop the whining! My Seabee and I planned a weekend get-a-way to Jamaica at Sandals (go there girls great deals for military!) and then taking a week trip to Puerto Rico. Now all I hear is you are so lucky... oh I wish I was going away... I wish I was in the Caribbean... but you are just lucky.. Well you know what?! It is well deserved! Any of you ladies going through this? It is just so frustrating. In the beginning it was hard to hear it all.. by midway it just didn't phase that it's almost the end I'm fed up. Sigh... anyone feel the same?