Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Done Waiting
I officially had enough waiting, can't he come home now? Isn't 7 months going on 8 long enough? I always wanted him to come home but as of today I have this deep feeling that I just want him now. I am done with the waiting and I wish it was November or January already (depending when he comes home officially there are rumors). I've had my fill of him being away. I am not sure what triggered this in me. Since January 3rd I have been so strong and upbeat about his deployment, sure I missed him a lot and had a few rough spots but now I want him back. Skype has been great and a lifesaver but it doesn't always do justice. Skpye is great but such a tease and hurts to say good bye. Why can’t we just pull them through the computer or jump through to their end!? Mostly now it's just catch up from what we have been up to, and nothing more. Maybe a few jokes here and there but I would like to talk to him not in the cyber world. I miss having actual conversations at the spur of the moment, sharing random jokes, having him next to me at night, feeling his warmth and to know that I'm loved. Maybe I'm being stubborn or it's the after mid - deployment blues. Everyone says oh it's all downhill from here who aren't in the situation. Really? I find that hard to believe. Because now it seems like it's longer and harder. HELP!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Can't He Come Home Yet?
I have 3 or 4 more months of waiting and feel like it is taking forever. I miss him so much and every day my heart aches. I am always so busy but sometimes I just can't shake this empty feeling especially when everything around me reminds me of him. I laugh and smile when a memory pops in or when my friends bring him up but I get a feeling of loneliness because I wish he was here. Is it mid deployment depression? I am not sure what this is. I have all these thoughts running through my head right now. I just love him and I want him to hold me. I want to smell him and wake up next to him. It just hurts sometimes and even though reading that I am not the only one feeling this way helps in one way and it also makes it worse because it seems so depressing that so many of us have to go through the same thing. I have the one person in my life that I truly trust and love. The one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I always try to be strong and this deployment sure has made me one trooper. I miss him so much. Can't he come home yet? I have always heard that one is the loneliest number, but I think one while waiting is even lonelier.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Deployment; noun
de-ploy-ment, noun:
patiently, faithfully, waiting for my other half to return safely to me. [BACK OFF]
It is now August 1st and I cannot believe how fast time has flown. 7 months have now gone by and it shouldn't be too much longer until he comes home; 5/4 more months to go. I am really surprised at myself and this deployment has been a real eye opener for me. It allowed me to focus on myself and realize what I want in this life. Someone wrote this letter on a website that I log on to frequently and it is very touching.
Dear Military Wives/SOS,
While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, fiancée or boyfriend, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other than what I hear on the news. I have never had to let go of someone so that they
could go fight for people that they didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or
understand what they are fighting for. I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't heard from my husband. I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved. I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren't yet old enough to understand.I have never had to hold my head high and suppress
the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loved one gets to come home. I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with. I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting. For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be angry, because you "knew what you were getting into when you married a military man". I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes. What I can say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier", I will never have to walk in your shoes. I do understand that as a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other woman. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.
You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American. I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment. Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me. Until this moment, I had no real reason to. Until I heard of you.
Your husband, fiancée or boyfriend and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us. But you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down.
Military families make this nation what it is today. You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Because of you and your family, I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I
can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday. I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom. I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are, what you are doing, what has happened today, or what will happen tomorrow, Your man will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me! And you, dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten. You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.
May God Bless You!
patiently, faithfully, waiting for my other half to return safely to me. [BACK OFF]
It is now August 1st and I cannot believe how fast time has flown. 7 months have now gone by and it shouldn't be too much longer until he comes home; 5/4 more months to go. I am really surprised at myself and this deployment has been a real eye opener for me. It allowed me to focus on myself and realize what I want in this life. Someone wrote this letter on a website that I log on to frequently and it is very touching.
Dear Military Wives/SOS,
While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, fiancée or boyfriend, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other than what I hear on the news. I have never had to let go of someone so that they
could go fight for people that they didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or
understand what they are fighting for. I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't heard from my husband. I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved. I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren't yet old enough to understand.I have never had to hold my head high and suppress
the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loved one gets to come home. I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with. I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting. For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be angry, because you "knew what you were getting into when you married a military man". I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes. What I can say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier", I will never have to walk in your shoes. I do understand that as a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other woman. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.
You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American. I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment. Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me. Until this moment, I had no real reason to. Until I heard of you.
Your husband, fiancée or boyfriend and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us. But you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down.
Military families make this nation what it is today. You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Because of you and your family, I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I
can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday. I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom. I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are, what you are doing, what has happened today, or what will happen tomorrow, Your man will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me! And you, dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten. You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.
May God Bless You!
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