I think I understand my feelings more now and come to a realization. I have kept a journal since the day he left for Afghanistan. Writing down all the emotions to see how I progress through this deployment. After reading it all I came up with stages of deployment. Check it out!
Stage 1: Anticipation of Loss
6-8 weeks prior to deployment
Feelings: denial, fear, anger, resentment, hurt
During this time it is hard for a woman to accept the fact that her significant other is going to leave her. I found myself crying unexpectedly at songs, TV shows and other things that would normally not affect me. These incidents allowed me to release some of my pent-up emotions.
Stage 2: Emotional Withdrawal
1 week prior to deployment
Feelings: Confusion, anger, pulling away
This occurred during the final days before departure.